Jealousy
by MissLindis
Summary: Takes place after Damage Case. Meredith confronts Derek about his behaviour after their fight. MerDer. My first fan fic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** So, this is my very first fan fiction and I hope you will like it. I'm a Mer/Der shipper, lol. I know my English isn't perfect, I'm Swedish but I do my best . Please, please, please review!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Grey's anatomy.

The feeling inside him when he saw Meredith in the vet's office won't go away. He's been telling himself it is a natural for a friend to react in the way he did. To feel as if though your heart has been shattered into a million pieces, as if though someone just has punched you in the stomach. It was the same feeling he had gotten when she talked to Mark, and when she told him what had happened to George. He knew what it was but didn't want to accept it. Jealousy. He can't feel like this. He is married; he has a wife to whom he has an obligation. He can't throw away eleven years of marriage for a fling with an intern, can he?

Deep inside he knew Meredith is neither a fling nor a friend; they could never be friends even though he's really trying to make it work. He wants to be her friend to be allowed to be near her, and he tries to get her out of his head but it is impossible. It is Meredith he dreams about at night, it is her he thinks about every waken moment, but he can't give in. He knows he have no right to be mad at her; after all, it was he who left her. He broke her heart and can't accept that she is trying to fix it. He knows he isn't being fair to her. But he can't help it.

They haven't spoken since their argument in the staircase. He avoids her and she avoids him. They are successful for almost a whole week until she is assigned to work with him for the day. He doesn't meet her eyes all day, he can't. He doesn't speak to her unless it is absolutely necessary, and then it is in short words and a cold voice. Everyone around them has noticed something is up. The tension between them is undeniable. Even Addison, who normally would be quite content with Derek not speaking to Meredith, has noticed something is up.

After another week, Meredith can't take it anymore. They've once again worked together all day, without speaking. She confronts him in the staircase once again. She grabs his arms as he attempt to continue up the stairs. He quickly turns to face her and she meets his normally dreamy eyes, the only thing she can see is hatred and disgust.

"What did I do wrong?" She asks in a low voice before he can run away again. His expression softens a little bit, but he doesn't respond. He can't. What is he supposed to say? There are no excuses for the way he have behaved and he knows it.

"I fell in love with you, Derek, but you broke my heart. You have to let me heal, and I can't do it when you are behaving like this. You have no right to be upset with me, you have to let me do this." She meets his eyes again and all of the hatred and the disgust is gone. She can see the pain in his eyes when he looks at her and whispers:

"I'm sorry." She doesn't know what to say and neither does he, so she turns to walk away, but he grabs her arm and stops her. "Meredith, please wait…" she slowly turns around towards him again.

"I'm sorry I've been an ass the past to weeks, I know I have no right to be mad at you, or yell at you, or do anything at all. But I… " He didn't know how to say what he was about to say.

"But you what?" Meredith asked impatiently. He met her eyes again.

"I… I love you." She looked away hastily and shook her head.

"No, no, you can't do this to me. You just can't. It isn't fair. I'm moving on, I've got Finn, you've got Addison, you can't do this…" She had started walking around speaking to herself rather than to Derek. Tears were starting to form in her eyes and she turned away from him.

"Mer…" He begged her to look at him.

"No! You can't do this! I'm over you!" She was crying now. He looked at her, his eyes dreamy again. He could see the pain in he eyes and felt tears well up in his own. Without thinking, he reached out for her and pressed her up against his chest before she could protest. She tried to get away from him, but he didn't let go. Finally she relaxed a little bit in his arms and he let out breath he didn't realize he had been holding. She leaned her head against his strong chest and her sobbing became more silent. He allowed himself inhale her scent as he held her tighter to him. As they stood there, clinging to each other, neither of them knew what was going to happen in the future. The only thing that mattered was the she was his Meredith and was her McDreamy…

A/N: So, this is it! I know it's kind off short and I don't know if it is any good. Please tell me if I should continue.. and please REVIEW! Thanks


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you for all your wonderful reviews! You guys really made my day! And once again, I apologise for my English, I know it's bad sometimes, lol…

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Grey's Anatomy.

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Meredith allowed herself to stand in his arms for a little while, before she loosened herself from his steady grip. She looked into his dreamy eyes and he smiled at her before she hastily turned away and left. He remained in the spot where she left him long after she was gone. He didn't know what to do. He knew that he loved her, and that she wasn't a fling or revenge. Even Addison knew he loved Meredith, but he couldn't just leave her. Not after eleven years of marriage.

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Addison stood by one of the nurses desks, looking through a chart. She saw Derek round a corner with a stressed look in his eyes. Suddenly his expression changed and he came to an abrupt stop. She could see the change in his eyes and knew what she would see when she followed his gaze. Meredith. Always Meredith. Addison could see the love in his eyes when he looked at her, the love she so desperately wanted him to feel when he looked at herself, the love she used to find in his eyes when they got married a long time ago. But it wasn't there anymore, and she wasn't expecting it to come back anytime soon. They never spoke about anything that didn't regard the hospital or maybe Doc, they never had sex, and the look in his eyes when they met hers, wasn't what it used to be. It wasn't Marks fault and it definitely wasn't Meredith's. Addison knew Meredith was trying to move on, but Derek wouldn't let her, and it hurt her, to realize that her husband was deeply in love with someone else. That's when she made the decision.

"Derek." Addison approached him from the behind and he was snapped back to reality. He turned to look at her and she met his eyes. They were back to normal now, when he didn't look at Meredith anymore.

"What is it Addison?" He asked with an impatient tone in his voice, opening the chart he was holding.

"We need to talk…"

"Not now Addison, I have to work…" She angrily took his chart away from him.

"We need to talk now!" People had started to look at them and before he could react, she had dragged him in to the nearest on-call room.

"What is it? I really do need to work.." He said as he sat down on a bed.

"No, you don't need to work. You need to listen to me. I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend anymore. You never talk to me, you never listen to me, you never do anything to me! You don't even yell at me anymore!" She was walking around in the room with tears welling up in her eyes. Derek opened his mouth to speak, but she didn't let him.

"No, don't say anything. I need talk! What we have isn't even worth to call a marriage; you don't even love me anymore! I know you love her, and it hurts, it really, really hurts, but I can't live like this anymore!" He had risen from the bed and grabbed her arm, a sad expression on his face. She met his eyes with tears running down her face.

"I'm sorry Addison, I have tried, I have tried so hard to get over her but I can't do it. I'm sorry I hurt you; I haven't been fair to either you or Meredith and I know that. I'm just so sorry." She gave him a sad smile under her tears and he wiped them away with his thumbs.

"We can't do this anymore Derek. It isn't your fault but it isn't mine either. We' we grown apart, it's as simple as that and it hurts me because I love you so much, but this isn't working anymore." She sat down on the bed and put her head in her hands. He sat down next to her and grabbed her hand.

"You know, I do still love you Addison, I'll always love you." She met his eyes again.

"But it isn't enough anymore because you don't love me like you love her." He didn't answer her and they just sat there in silence before Addison spoke again.

"I guess this is it then." The looked at each other and he squeezed her hand lightly.

"I guess this is it." Addison rose from the bed, he rose with her. She took both of his hands and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

"Goodbye Derek." Tears were streaming down her face as she let go of his hands.

"Goodbye Addie." She turned around and left leaving him standing there, a single tear making its way down his cheek. But the feeling in his stomach wasn't sadness or anger. It was relief. Relief of finally being free.

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**A/N:** There you go, another chapter! Please tell me what you think of it. It means alot to me. I know there isn't much MerDer in it, but this felt like a good way forDerek and Addison to finally break up.. And finally, please, please reivew! 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you for all your reviews! I know it's been a while since I updated, but I've been really busy with school and stuff, but here is the next chapter! I hope you like it, and please review!

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Grey's Anatomy…

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Meredith was sitting on the couch in Finn's living room. She had been absent towards him ever since her and Derek's little meeting in the staircase and she knew it. She knew Finn had realized something was going on, but he hadn't asked her about it. She knew he didn't deserve someone like her, someone who was thinking about someone else and wasn't really happy with where she was. But she was trying. She was trying so hard to be happy. But it didn't work. She couldn't get him out of her mind, and definitely not out of her heart. It had been almost a week since she had spoken to him. She had been avoiding him and had been rather successful in doing so. She had heard from one of the nurses that he and Addison wasn't living together anymore and just didn't know what to do around him. Once again she choose the easy way out, and simply avoidedhim.

She had Finn to think about. Sweet, kind, wonderful Finn who was cooking for her. Finn that had plans that included her. Finn whom she liked very much, and wanted to love, butjust couldn't. Someone had taken her heart away from her without giving it back, and she wanted it back, but knew it wasn't going to happen.

Finn stood in the kitchen, observing Meredith from over there. He knew she wasn't happy, and that she and Derek were not just friends and co-owners of a dog. He knew there was something going on between them, but he didn't dare asking her what it was about. Because he didn't want to hear the truth. So he just told himself that everything was fine, that things were okay between him and Meredith, and that she wasn't too scary and damaged. He just brought their plates over to the couch and placed her in front of her. She looked at him with pain in her eyes, the pain that had been there for almost a week now, and tried to give him a smile but failed. It came out like a grimace instead. He smiled back and sat down in silence, eating his food. She barely touched her, she just couldn't eat.

"I'm sorry Finn", she said when he took he plate away to put it in the sink. He stopped and turned his head to look at her.

"I know you are", he said and sat down next to her again, carefully putting his arm around her shoulders. "

"I can't do this", she quickly rose from the couch and ran out the door, grabbing her jacket and bag on the way. She ran to her car and left as quickly as she could, tears running down her face.

She didn't know where she was going, she just drove. When she stopped the car she was at the place overlooking the ferryboats where she had brought Derek once. She didn't know why she was there. She hadn't been there since she took him there. Long before things got the way they were now.

She wiped the tears away from her face and got out of the car. She slowly walked towards the bench where she always sat. When she got closer, she saw that someone was already sitting there, on her bench. She immediately knew who it was and stopped. Her first thought was to run. Just run away from him and don't look back. But she knew it wouldn't work. It never had and it wasn't going to. So she took a deep breath and walked up to the bench. He turned his head to see who it was, and smiled when he realized it was her. She sat down next to him, neither of them spoke. They just sat there watching the ferryboats below them.

"She left me", he said, not looking at Meredith. "She left me because she knew I love you, and she could never compete with that" She didn't look at him and didn't speak immediately.

"Finn is a great guy. He is a sweet, kind, generous guy who likes me. And he has plans that include me, and he isn't married, and he doesn't lie to me. He is perfect, and I'm trying so hard to be happy with him, but I can't do it. Because of you. It is all your fault! You lied to me, you broke me, you made me love you and you took my heart away without giving it back, and I just can't take it anymore!" Derek looked at her with pain in his eyes.

"Meredith…", he starts but she interrupts him.

"No! I need to do this. I have to do this! You say you love me, you tell me you care. But you have no right to do that! You have no right to get jealous when I try to move on." She met his eyes for the first time and could see that her words had hurt him. Before she could react he leaned in and kissed her. At first, she tried to push him away, but couldn't resist the feeling of his soft lips against her own and was soon kissing him back. He pulled her closer to him and she put her hands in his hair, unable to resist him. All thoughts about Finn and how wrong what they were doing were just disappeared from her head. It felt so right. At that moment, nothing else mattered. Deep inside her, Meredith knew this was the way it was supposed to be and she didn't have the strength to fight it.

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A/N: That's it! I don't know if it's any good, but I hope you like it. If you have any ideas of where you want me to go with this story, please tell me. And please review!**


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